Fear is just one, but a mighty big one , of those emotions that robs us of our potency in achieving successful outcomes in our lives. 'What's there to fear if you're being successful?' you say. Everyone wants to succeed, right? The problem is it often for most of us comes with big, scary questions.
What if I can't keep it up?
What if I screw up?
What if I'm lonely?
What if I'm hated?
What if they turn me down?
I'm so tired of opening the newpapers and seeing mega 'stars' turned into mush. I can't begin to understand what demons must beset them. And what does it say to the rest of us? What do we have to give up to succeed and are we willing to pay the price? Even if we are not talking about living the life and pressures of mega stardom. What has their success cost them?
What is fearful for you might well be different for me. So I conclude that there is something within me or you as individuals that's blocking our paths. I believe at core, that has something to do with limiting beliefs about ourselves which we've doubtless been carry around for years and that is driving how we behave and what we achieve.
Beliefs have such a powerful impact on our outcome, either empowering us or impeding us from actions we will need to take to achive out goals, to attract or repel success. These beliefs will have come to us from diverse significant sources - from our childhood, parents, friends, society in general, media, religion and many more. They can often become crystalised into statements like
- I am not good enough
- Money is evil
- Successful people are ruthless
- I can't make it, I'm a girl/black/gay/disabled/blah, blah
And we seem so often to feed off the negative ones though there are also plenty of positive ones that can also drive our success.
- You can do whatever you set your mind to
- You are excellent in yourself
But because we tend to focus on the negative ones, at the sweet smell of success, we become quite clever at sabotaging ourselves one way or another. Ask any dieter.
So how do we deal with our fears and limiting beliefs that block us? There are many ways, but the place to start is to become more aware of the messages we are feeding ourselves; listen to what we are saying to ourselves. What's the message, the recurring thought, the limiting belief?
Then, we have to drop the thought of wishing we didn't feel afraid. We can instead of fighting it with "No, no, I'm not/don't want to be, feeling terrified or depressed or anxious or whatever", be willing to accept the experience - for now.
That may seem contradictory for are we not trying to get rid of this stuff? The thing is , what we resist, persists. Far better to say to ourselves "I'm feeling fear/depression/ guilt/jealousy and I accept this feeling that it is an OK feeling for right now. Accept that this is the feeling while choosing not to indulge in it. 'What???' you say? How can I accept feeling this scary stuff? That's no fun! The thing is not to fight it for as we know "what we resist, persists."
There is a power to accepting your feelings whatever they are and the amazing thing is that once you have done so, you've ceased fighting with it and its stranglehold in your life can begin to dimminish and fade away. However, this cannot be the end because we then have to replace that with some kind of action that reinforces a move to a more successful direction.
An example of this would be if you were crippled by anxiety and fear about speaking in public, you would instead acknowledge the feeling and choose to do the opposite action that the feeling tells you to do, i.e. to run away. The more often you do this, the less fear and anxiety will impede you. Its the old saying - 'Feel the fear but do it anyway.' Thank you Susan!
See what is, accept what is, and refocus on appropriate and opposite action.
Today's blessings
1. I am grateful for the things I have learnt today in various trainings that have expanded my mind and given greater clarity to my actions. They have provided me with tools for empowerment.
2.Warmth, acceptance and love in my family
3. Michelle's presence and friendship
Personal Development and Success
http://yvonnem.successuniversity.com/
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